Questions Remain
by Wyrsa
Summary: A look at the InuKagKik love triangle. What Kikyo sees confuses her. What Sess sees offers a challenge. Finished
1. Confused

Disclaimer: Inuyasha and company belong to a manga Goddess, certainly not to me. 

AN: This small one-shot was actually a part of a larger fic that I am trying to finish up before I start to post it. The circumstances of the story changed as I was writing and this didn't fit in any longer. But I couldn't completely toss this aside. So I offer it to you now, a taste of something that never was. 

Confused

She watched the scene in front of her with a confusing mixture of emotions. As Inuyasha rocked Kagome back and forth she could tell he was on the brink of tears. Kikyo didn't know quite what to think. _Everything is so much more complicated now._ One of the soul stealers started to move towards the fallen couple. No doubt it intended to collect the dying soul from the young girl. Yet, without knowing why, Kikyo raised a hand to stop it. She would not claim this soul. 

_Why not_, she thought to herself even as she turned to leave. After all, she had many reasons to relish in this girl's demise. _The soul was mine first, so it should have been an easy claim._ Perhaps having this soul in particular would make it so that she wouldn't have to take other innocent souls. Kikyo narrowed her eyes at her own faulty reasoning. No, this leeching existence didn't bother her that much. She resisted the urge to clench her teeth in an uncharacteristic display of emotion. There must be a reason. Was it jealousy? Hatred? Both? That mere slip of a girl had just waltzed in from her easy life in the future and stolen everything that had belonged to her alone. The copy took her sister, her home, her job. Hell the little bitch even had her face. Kikyo smirked inwardly at that. They were not indistinguishable. Kikyo was older, and she knew that her darker eyes reflected the weight of her duty more so then her reincarnation's ever had. _Not that the girl has a chance to get that kind of weight now._

Kikyo stopped her slow retreat and glanced back at the mourning figure. She could barely see him through the trees. He was oblivious to everything else around him. Oh how easy it would be to walk back over there and end it now. That girl, who had turned Inuyasha's eyes away.... well that girl was not going to be a distraction for much longer. Again, Kikyo contemplated sending a soul catcher over to them. It would be a prize soul. She knew it had only grown since its residence within her living body. And the presence of the Shikon no Tama within the soul had only strengthened it, amplifying the miko powers. 

Kikyo sighed with regret. Ah such power. _I had control and finesse.... but that strength was raw and untamed. Yet another reason to hate the girl._ Her reincarnation had had it so easy! Such power right at her fingertips.

She heard a roar and three agitated voices pass overhead. The undead miko retreated further into the shadows. It was better if they did not see her now. But she stayed. And she listened as the four friends made their bittersweet discovery. Their quest was complete. Naraku was dead and the jewel shards all accounted for. But the price was seeping into the soil -- an endless stream of blood and tears.

_-flashback-_

Kikyo had been tailing Inuyasha for over a week. She had hidden herself from him carefully. For a while now she had suspected that Naraku was going to make his move against the hanyou. The last few battles had cost Naraku dearly. His frustration would turn him sloppy. Kikyo planned to take advantage when this happened and bring him down. Then she could finally reclaim Inuyasha and return to a quiet rest. So when the confrontation happened, she was not caught unawares. Not that she had participated in this last battle. Naraku had done this all by himself. This battle had proven his undoing, though it looked like he was not leaving this life alone. 

This time he had wanted to bloody his own hands. It was a foolish move for the normally cunning villain. Ironic how sloppy emotions can be. Anger, bloodlust, love-- all emotions led to mistakes. Kikyo and Inuyasha could both attest to that. 

The short battle had started as a fluke. Naraku had been watching for one of the infamous fights between the hanyou and the miko. Oddly enough, the fight was over Kikyo herself again. Accusations flew through the clearing. Each suffered at the other's biting insults. 

Naraku had waited until Inuyasha had received his full compliment of "oswari" commands and was writhing on the ground. Then, as the young girl from the future had predictably started to storm off, he had made his move, attempting to eliminate his most persistent rival. But the trickster had underestimated both of his opponents. 

The young miko, in a flash of foresight, had inexplicably sensed that Naraku was near. Even as he had drawn close to the flattened, groaning dog-demon, a pure arrow had slashed across his path. Kikyo had been surprised, her own arrow still clutched in her hand. She let it down. She would not interfere unless Naraku attacked Inuyasha again. Naraku had been forced to dodge away. Faster then should have been humanly possible, the young miko was braced before Inuyasha, arrow notched and ready. The girl and Naraku traded insults. It had been a mistake on both sides. 

Naraku had enough time to launch his attacks at the miko. Inuyasha had enough time to put his back in order. Only one had been given enough time. Naraku's spidery appendages had pierced through the miko even as her final arrow stuck him in the shoulder. The arrow began to melt away his body. Kikyo watched, curious, as the miko's body also emitted strong purifying energies, melting away the spidery arms. It threatened to melt the rest of his body even as the girl dropped to the ground in a bloody heap. Even then, the beast might have escaped if Inuyasha hadn't attacked with his full might. On the heels of a Cutting Wind slash came a Bakuruyya. Kikyo shivered despite herself as she watched the waves of youki feeding off of Naraku's own poisonous vapors to rend him into tiny pieces. 

Naraku's cry of pained outrage had been drowned in Inuyasha's own. He had called for the girl. Tossing his prized sword away. He yelled at her, one moment praising her skills and courage, the next berating her intelligence and sanity. Kikyo had watched, jealous as he had cradled the girl, whispering endearments as she slipped slowly away. 

After all, Inuyasha had never actually done these things for Kikyo. He had never cried for her. Even after learning the truth behind her death, or after almost losing her all these times. She knew with certainty his tears had never pooled for her. But for this girl he now shed a river. 

And for all their intimate embraces and the few stolen kisses, he had never told her flat out that he loved her, wanted to be her mate, and never claimed to dream about their pups! But here again she listened to him say all these things and more to this little slip of a girl who had mended his heart and given up her life for the lonely hanyou.

She felt cold, intruding. She was ashamed. She had been none of these things since she died and been revived. So she remained hidden. Her eyes were testament to his private confessions. 

- end flashback- 

Kikyo had felt colder as the jealousy died out. She wasn't sure what she felt anymore. A part of her was disgusted. A small part of her was simply relieved. And a small warm portion of her was... grieving. What? Could it be that the strange girl had affected even Kikyo's undead heart. Kikyo shook her head at her own foolish assumptions. 

Of course not. 

The dead couldn't change. 

Time stood still for death. She would always be the same bitter, angry, betrayed woman that she had died as. But the doubt lingered. Other so called 'laws of the world' had been kicked aside by the girl. Who was to say that she hadn't lent some warmth to a freezing soul. Her slight touch, dazzling smile, that willingness to trust and help. Kikyo had witnessed it all many times. She had always felt jealous and betrayed. But was she in fact being healed? 

She looked at the ground ashamed. She knew this was not who she was in life. Kikyo replayed many of the memories of her life and her observations of the girl. She remembered the times that the reincarnation had even saved her. Was there a hint of pride with some of these memories. Pride, that her soul would be the one to take down the dark miko once more, vanquish evil demons, and lend compassion to strangers. Maybe. 

Kikyo turned to move away. She wanted to escape the sobbing of the exterminator, the murmured prayers of the monk, and the wails of a small kitsune who once again found himself alone in the world. Most of all she wanted to forever erase the forlorn cries of the hanyou whom she had once loved. She now knew for certain that her love for him had been nothing compared to his love for the time-traveling girl. 

As she headed away she was surprised to find herself wiping away moisture from her face. 'How?' she whispered in awed wonder. The dead cannot cry. Whom was she crying for? 

For the girl, drifting into a peaceful slumber that had been ripped from herself? 

For the friends left bereft of a second chance at family? 

For a battered hanyou, losing love and acceptance before he had even realized he had it? 

For a world, suddenly darker then before?

For herself and she knew not why?

"She has that affect on people... youki, hanyou, human,.... and it seems even the dead." The deep voice observed from her right. Kikyo frowned without turning. How had he gotten there without her sensing. And how had he known.

"The dead cannot be affected. Death doesn't change." She countered flatly. He always made her uneasy. Or did her disturbance settle more around his weapon?

"Nor do Youki. " The reply was also flat. He was so similar to herself. Both beings locked emotions away. But he was moving beyond her already. His even steps carried him gracefully towards the clearing where the sounds of grief continued. She turned then to watch him. His long silver hair swayed behind. A small human child followed quietly at his heels. 

Kikyo found her lips drawing into an unwitting smile as the proud Youki lord drew out his weapon. This was the sword that the dead feared. This was Tenseiga.

She finally drew away then. Calling her soul stealers around her she vanished into the twilight sky. There were things left undone. Complications still snarled the future paths. But for tonight she could allow herself a brief rest. 


	2. My own Agenda

AN: Kikyo's POV was originally part of a much longer fic, but since the storyline shifted  
away from this scene I had simply clipped it out and wanted it to stand by itself. It should  
not answer all your questions. I certainly don't know -- and I have a feeling the characters  
don't either. But some comments (Thanks **lynnxlady** for the prodding) made me rethink  
this. I'll let Sessy have his say. Its not what I had originally intended, since the  
Sesshoumaru from the longer work has already had some bonding moments before this  
act, but let me know if I can pull this off. I still think he'd pull through in the end. Please  
review.   
  
Oh yeah-- this may have spoilers for the magna. I try to keep up with the weekly translations,   
and I've seen up to episode 107 of the anime. I consider that fair game for basing the characters off of.   
  
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. They thank God for that. ^_~   
  
My Own Agenda  
  
The day had started out routinely enough. Or at least, it had started following the routine  
established with the addition of the human pup. Rin had awoken from the warmth of  
Sesshoumaru's fluffy. Jakan had annoyed the ruffled demon lord with his muttered  
complaints. Jakan got stepped on by said demon lord. All was right with the world. But  
after a quick breakfast of fresh fish and confiscated rice balls, the routine disappeared.   
  
Ah-Un was the first to deviate. The rumbling dragon-horse refused to budge from its  
scratched-out hollow from the night before. Jakan fitted the halters to its head and tried to  
pull it to its feet. Rin shouted encouragement. Sesshoumaru stood facing away. He very  
much regretted missing what happened next. A loud belch and an accompanying odor of  
sulfur, stomach acids, and burnt flesh was swiftly followed by a wet smack. Sesshoumaru  
allowed himself a small twitch of amusement before he turned around to coldly stare at his  
followers.   
  
Rin, predictably danced in place. She held her face in her hands and shrieked cutely. He  
noted that she was untouched. The same could not be said for Jakan. The little toad was  
currently dumbfounded into silence. His wide yellow eyes peered through a massive pile of  
evidence that the dragon was ill.   
  
_Hmm.._. the youkai lord used his nose and ears to gather the evidence to his unmoving  
form. _It seems that last demon was not digestible._ Ah-Un groaned.  
  
"Quiet Rin" Sesshoumaru ordered. She nodded and gave him a chipper reply as she went  
to comfort the ailing dragon. Sesshoumaru focused his gaze instead on Jakan. The end of  
his nose wrinkled slightly. "Jakan"  
  
"Yes Sesshoumaru-sama!" the toad knew better then voice his complaints while under his  
master's direct gaze.   
  
The golden eyes roamed over the trio before him. His mind already mapping out the slight  
change for the day. "Clean up and find a cure for this.... problem." He turned and started  
to move off. He could patrol ahead on his own for a while before doubling back to meet  
up with his charges later. It was a sound idea. Then Rin spoke up.   
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama please let Rin go with you!" Her hopeful voice drew his gaze down  
to her shining brown eyes. The Great Lord of the Western Lands was vanquished by the  
slight trembling of her lower lip. From a deeply buried memory of his sibling's long ago  
childhood he could recall this telling look. What had his father called it? Ah yes, 'the  
feared puppy face'. Rin had learned this tactic soon after joining them. He had yet to find a  
suitable defense.   
  
She must have been worried by his continued silence. Her clasped hands rose in  
supplication before her as she used a weapon of his own making: logic.  
"Sesshoumaru-sama you said I needed to keep learning how to track and patrol."  
  
He gave in. Though his sigh was barely audible, and the shift in his stare hardly noticeable,  
Rin lit up. The odd pair set off at a relaxed pace through the sleepy forest. She knew him  
too well. That thought might have earned her a death sentence a few months ago, but now  
she was a constant. He would have it no other way.  
  
He knew himself to be a creature of routine. He was a stickler for traditions and honor.  
His proud mother had raised him as such. Her honor had gotten her killed. Yet, ever the  
dutiful son, he lived as she had directed.   
  
On the other hand, his masked curiosity was a curse from his father. He could blame all of  
his transgressions on his father. He had to know everything.   
_  
Why did he have Tenseiga?  
Why did the other youkai lords never give up pressing at his boarders?  
Why did a spell work a certain way? _  
  
The questions seemed endless in his mind. And in his silence he sought to deduce the  
answers. He used his keen senses to collect information. He used his time-honed  
intelligence to analyze and prod until his curiosity could be answered. And in a way he was  
happy. He lived like this for well over a century after leaving his mother's side. He met up  
with his father infrequently as he roamed the lands searching for the next question. He  
knew his father referred to him on occasion as a lone wolf.   
  
Then one year his father had provided him with questions. The Taiyoukai had taken a  
human mate. Sesshoumaru discovered a treasure of questions from this. He had not given  
humans more then passing attentions. Their lives seemed dull and uninspired. They could  
not be a source of his amusement. He'd kill them if they got in his way, as he would any  
other beast. So when his father decided to not only bed a lowly human, but to mate and  
sire a pup with her he had formed a gigantic 'why'.   
  
He spent almost two years around his father's little family trying to solve that question and  
the many others that sprung from watching the female's behavior. The answers eluded  
him. His frustrations turned to anger. The Taiyoukai had sensed this anger and drove  
Sesshoumaru away. It was a last brick to seal off the inu-youkai's heart. For the first time he tried  
to silence his curiosity with a self-reproach. It doesn't matter; some things just are.   
  
This cryptic excuse was soon repeated as an answer to many questions. As the years  
passed he lost his father. Immediately a small voice inside his head asked 'Why'. But the  
question was for once directed at his own actions. Why hadn't he helped in battle? Why  
did he not protect his younger sibling when his father's mate had died from grief? Why did  
he feel? These types of questions he couldn't answer with 'It doesn't matter.' He knew a  
lie when it was spoken. He could smell the lie on himself.   
  
So he did the only thing he could do. He stopped asking questions about himself. Let  
others be his amusement. He would not lower himself to questioning his own actions. Just  
as he did not question his actions towards his brother. Some things he had schooled  
himself to not be curious about.   
  
But he let himself be curious about Inuyasha. He did not understand the hanyou at all. And  
it had been so long since he had come across a new source of amusement. Besides,  
Inuyasha's connection to the Tetsusaiga might help him answer a particularly irritating  
question. _Why had his father given him the healing sword, Tenseiga, rather then the  
powerful Tetsusaiga._ He was getting closer to an answer.   
  
_ Inuyasha has certainly proved an endless source of amusement for the past year._ The  
hanyou was an ideal punching bag when needed. Then, of course, he offered a perfect  
specimen of strange behavior to pique Sesshoumaru's interest. The demon lord had been  
curious enough to even come out and ask Inuyasha a few of his well guarded questions  
during the battle for Tetsusaiga. At the time, Sesshoumaru had thought that he would kill  
the half-breed. It had been a last chance to satisfy these questions.   
  
But he was caught off gaurd by the events at his fathers tomb. He had been shocked by his  
little brother and that oddly-dressed female of his. The searing pain from his amputated  
arm was nothing compared to the headache that followed. So many questions had  
emerged from that day alone. He knew then that Inuyasha would have to be studied. His  
curiosity would not let him alone for this.   
  
Encounter after encounter with the Inu-hanyou and his growing pack led to yet more  
nagging questions. He gathered information, following the group at times. His nose  
cataloged changes in his brother's scent. He discovered the depths of emotions and the  
richness of behaviors he never thought possible with humans. They were still lesser beings  
than youkai, but could they offer him more entertainment over the long years of his life?  
  
Sesshoumaru pulled himself out of his thoughts. Rin skipped along the trail ahead of him,  
all pretenses of learning how to track forgotten. She had once been another question. The  
answers she offered were less then satisfactory. As long as he remained unsure he'd keep  
her with him. Besides, now she was part of the routine. Routine was accepted. Routine  
was like Tradition. His mother had raised him thus.   
  
His alert senses had caught wind of Inuyasha's latest campsite. Behind the stoic  
mask, the great demon lord smirked inwardly. He had long ago discovered the reason why  
his brother's pack chose to sleep around the hot springs. It seemed that the hanyou's miko  
had a fetish for cleanliness. Although that raised other questions. The scent was faint but it  
told him all he wanted to know... for the moment. The monk, exterminator, kitsune, and  
fire-neko were at the camp. They were starting the fire. His ears filtered out the normal  
forest sounds and focused on the murmurs of conversation. Bah... boring stuff.   
  
_ Where is that whelp and his miko? _For a moment he almost shuddered at the thought of  
them alone together. As usual he didn't question his own reaction. What did he care if the  
near-shudder was from disgust that she was a lowly _human _female or that he still could remember  
Inuyasha as a day old pup. He shoved the image and the unwanted questions away. Maybe  
he had been studying the hentai monk too much.   
  
The sun had started its dip towards the horizon by the time the Demon Lord of the  
Western Lands felt a faint tingle. Something was happening. Something that disturbed his  
territory. It came from the direction that his brother's scent led off to. Naturally his  
curiosity egged him to investigate.   
  
Was it that undead miko? He knew she had been tailing his brother closely for the last few  
days. Her scent was intermingled with the pack scent by the time Sesshoumaru came upon  
it from his own lag. He prefered to stay at a days distance usually.   
  
The laden summer haze interfered with his nose. He couldn't get a whiff of his brother's  
current predicament.   
  
"Rin" His low voice brought her skipping to an end as she turned loving eyes to his. "Now  
we track. Stay silent and close." If it turned out that his brother was participating in more  
adult activities then he'd be able to steer Rin away. Her senses were weak.   
  
At the moment that his ears had picked up the clashing battle sounds and angry yells, his  
nose had caught hold of Naraku's stench. On instinct the youkai lord shot forward. He  
was minutes away. Minutes from answering yet another of his intense drives: bloodlust.  
He would see that disgusting Naraku dead!   
  
But a part of him that remained unquestioned stopped his charge. Rin. He turned and  
looked back. Jakan was not with her now. It could be another of the nasty hanyou's traps.  
Naraku worked this way. In a snap decision he whirled back and grabbed his charge,  
dragging her along. She would be much safer with him. She'd just have to hide while he  
destroyed the monster that had threatened his possessions. Again he did not question why  
this possession, Rin, should drive him to such rage.   
  
The sky lit with the combined powers of the miko's holy arrows and the devastating  
effects of Tetsusaiga's ultimate attack. Sesshoumaru skidded to a halt. Rin pulled up  
behind him with a tiny gasp. He ignored it.  
  
His brow furrowed. Had it been that simple then? Did his nose lie when it told him of the  
vile creature's demise? But his ears had also confirmed the events of the battle as he had  
pulled Rin along. He heard the twang of two arrows fire. He listened to the defiant yells of  
the young miko.   
  
He barely acknowledged the presence of the other observer some distance ahead and to his left. He  
sensed that the undead miko would be no harm to him. She seemed too focused by the  
pair some fourty feet ahead of her. Her scent had been well masked, but his nose picked it  
up. Those swirling soul-stealers of hers were also trying to hide themselves. He snorted  
softly to himself. He was not his brother. His senses went much further. She could never  
catch him unaware.  
_  
Had it been a mistake to assume that Inuyasha and the two mikos were the only ones  
ahead of him?_ No. He would not ask this question. It dealt with himself.   
  
And so, at a much more cautious pace he made his way towards the clearing. He was just  
in time to see the last eddies of swirling youkai settle after the final attack. He watched, his  
face impassive as his brother crashed to his knees to gather the unmoving woman in his  
arms. For a split second in time all the nagging questions that had cluttered his thoughts  
for the past years quieted. There was silence, inside and out. His ears seemed to stop  
working. The air froze. He was unable to do more then watch the drama unfold.   
  
_This Sesshoumaru has witnessed many events during the long years I've walked these  
lands._ He stood, statuesque, among the thick trunks of the ancient forest. The summer air  
lay heavily upon him. The damp earth muffled the telling sounds of shifting feet. His keen  
golden gaze weighted the scene before him.   
  
His little half brother was making a scene in the small clearing before him. Sesshoumaru  
watched Inuyasha's shoulders shaking, his cascade of white hair echoed the movement.  
Sesshoumaru could make out the raven-crowned head of hair resting in  
the crook of one arm. The little miko's pale legs lay lifelessly to the other side.   
  
But he did not have to see the blood to know it was there. The coppery scent filled his  
sinuses. With his superior nose he could even distinguish the darker deeper blood that only  
came with organ injury. _Curious, the blood smell is not provoking._ He inhaled again,  
testing the putrid air. Traces of the vanquished foe remained. The reek of death blanketed  
them all.   
  
_So. The whelp and his mate destroyed Naraku then._ He brought his fingers to brush the  
hilt of Tenseiga in confirmation. As soon as he touched the sword, he could see the many  
caretakers gathered on the field. Several of death's collectors were already making away  
with Naraku's blackened soul. A few of the little creatures hovered over the cracked  
remains of Kagura's heart. It had still been in Naraku's possession when he died. Some of  
the twisted creatures hovered over the dying miko. As his hand fell from the healing sword  
the creatures faded before his eyes. He could only see them when he touched it. But he  
knew they were still there.   
  
As he listened to his brother's mindless apologies and belated devotions, the unbidden  
questions bubbled forth.   
  
_Can I not feel this depth of emotion? Would I want to? How can he stand it? What will  
happen now? How do I feel about it?_ They circled rapidly in his mind. He could feel the  
snippets of other half-formed questions trying to burst forth. A small mental growl quieted  
it all.   
  
_I don't care. It doesn't matter_. But he felt the lie. Oh he may not care emotionally for the  
miko, or his brother. Yet... they entertained him. Their antics and adventures amused him.  
Their encounters disrupted the tedium. They made the Routine bearable. His impassive  
mask slipped as his eyes widened slightly. He felt the truth in these thoughts.   
  
_Is this an answer then? An answer to a question that I refuse to ask_? He could not deny it.  
The mask crept back into place as he turned slightly to look at his young charge.  
  
Behind him, Rin stood wide eyed but silent. She always obeyed him. _Such an obedient pup._ He regarded her  
more closely. Her eyes always betrayed her emotions. Usually he avoided them. But now  
they held something. _Damn curiosity._ He focused his nose on her. Her scents changed  
with her emotionsl. _Sorrow, regret.... and a tinge of guilt huh?  
_  
As her eyes trailed to his hip he caught the faint tinge of hope enter her scent. He tilted his  
head down to regard the swords at his side. He knew which one she stared at. She  
touched it sometimes, while they were walking. She never touched the other sword, Toukijin. But  
occasionally she'd pet Tenseiga as if it were alive. He decided that she was grateful. She didn't pet him like that.  
  
As if sensing his regard, Tenseiga pulsed. He knew what it was asking. He had been  
expecting this. He did not question his sword. It was like a part of himself, as distasteful as  
he had originally found it.   
  
He turned and glided softly towards the priestess. He had heard the rest of Inuyasha's  
pack arrive at the scene. He filtered out their emotion-filled voices. He'd analyze the  
whole situation later. As he came up beside the undead woman he caught her awed gasp  
as she wiped away an unexpected tear. He felt the welcome twinge of amusement. So he  
was not the only one thrown for a loop by this whole situation. Not that anything would  
ruffle this Sesshoumaru's fur!   
  
Ah, so he caught himself in a lie again. Even he had to admit, if only to a small portion of  
his own mind that the feisty young girl had affected him. How could he not? With all his  
years of observation and analysis, all those endless questions and investigations, he felt  
himself qualified above all others to admit that the strange girl caused change wherever  
she went.   
  
The proof lay in her companions. He barely recognized his brother anymore. He had to  
spend many hours reinvestigating, observing, and thinking before he satisfied some of the  
mental itches that Inuyasha's change had produced. The little kitsune pup had also  
changed. Sesshoumaru had been astounded when the little kit had even stood up to him at  
one point. Not that the Great Lord of the Western Lands had given in to the trembling kit  
before him. (Actually it had taken insistent prodding my Tenseiga). There was no denying  
that the miko and his brother were giving the kit a family and a semi-decent upbringing.  
The two humans in the group had also evolved over the past year. Sesshoumaru had  
watched them shift under the patient moldings of the exuberant girl. And now it seems she  
had brought change upon this undead creature beside him.   
  
And though she may not know it, he addressed this aspect of change and surprise that the  
older miko now expressed.  
  
"She has that affect on people... youkai, hanyou, human,....and it seems even the dead."   
He observed. He watched her shoulders stiffen. Her scent gave nothing away. But his own  
emotional stealth gave him clues to her state.   
  
"The dead cannot be affected. Death doesn't change." She countered flatly. She did not  
look at him as he paused directly to the side of her. Her weight shifted slightly away. _It is  
right for her to fear me then._ He thought about the lie in her statement. So he offered her  
his own lie. The lie he lived. The lie he projected to the world. Let her make of it what she  
will.   
  
He didn't care. He didn't question.   
  
"Nor do Youkai." He replied flatly. He did not turn his eyes to try and catch the misplaced  
emotions in her gaze. His even steps carried him gracefully towards the clearing where the  
sounds of grief continued. Her stance and the misplaced scent of the single tear told him  
enough. To linger near her might give too much of his own inner turmoil away. He  
doubted that they suffered from the same cracks beneath the masks. But he would not risk  
her witnessing a crack behind his. She had too much experience with hiding.   
  
He heard Rin following quietly on his heals. Her heart rate increased as he pulled out her  
favorite sword. Tenseiga sang.   
  
As he approached the mourning figures before him he had to scoff at himself. The stupid  
sword had only prodded him once and he had given in without a fight. He would revive  
the young miko and then return to the routine of letting them amuse him. That's all.   
  
He would not question his motives. And he'd never try to explain to himself why it felt  
so... right.   
  
  
AN: So this came out pretty reflective. But hey, Sessy is a complex character. I wanted to  
try and pin down some motives on him. And no-- I don't really hate anyone in the series  
except Hojo and Naraku. One annoys the hell out of me, the other deserves a much slower  
death then I gave him here. Don't worry, in the longer fic that I should start posting by the  
end of this week I'll run him through the ringer. Even if I torture some of the more loved  
characters too. And yes, I really do see Kikyo this way. I feel really bad for her, and from  
the magna and anime I think she is starting to change from the complete witch she started  
out as. On the other hand, Inu and Kagome make such an awesome couple, I have a hard  
time pairing them with anyone else. Not that that's a guarantee I won't! Hehe. That's it  
for this though. I really need to work on my baby. It inspired the first chapter so stay  
tuned.   
  
Thanks to **lynnxlady** who like I said got me thinking about this, **dia** -- right along my line of thinking,  
and **pruningshears** -- did I show you why? Or at least why I think he'd help at this point  
And any other reviews who help me out.   
  



	3. Left Behind

AN: Kikyo has been haunting my computer again. Shall I try to lay her to rest, to give her a peace she never had in life? She lends herself so well to tragedy.   This will wrap it up for QR. I have too many other plot bunnies and this was supposed to be a one shot. However, I will do my best to give Kikyo and Sesshoumaru a quality farewell. I am sorry this took so long. T have to be depressed to write this. I like writing Kikyo. I think she gets slammed too much on ff.net. I am an avid Inu/Kag shipper, but if you've seen any of the later episodes with Kikyo you would understand that she is not as evil as she first appears. I've tried to maintain that flavor of bitterness tempered by honor and compassion. She'll never be as open as Kagome, but they had very different lives. **Please drop me a review and let me know what you think. ** 

Disclaimer: Hey, I can be depressed without having to admit that I don't own Kikyo, Sesshoumaru, or the rest of the Inuyasha crew.  


* * *

  


**Questions Remain**  
  
Involuntary,  
I may live on  
In the passing world,  
Never forgetting  
This midnight moon  
  
-the Emperor Sanjo  


**Chapter 3: Left behind**

She stood on the edge of a cliff. The last cool breath of winter softly tugged at her hair. Kikyo's serene gaze wondered aimlessly over the quiet woodlands beneath her. The soul-catchers danced through the sky, as idle as their mistress on this early spring morning. 

"We came here once." She whispered softly. The images played fleetingly at the edge of her vision. It had been a day much like this one. A few brave birds had pierced the morning's stillness with their enticing songs. Her eyelids drooped. She could almost feel him, the wild strength beside her. She remembered how he had stepped cautiously from the forest's edge, hesitant as a doe. His golden eyes had been so filled with uncertainty. 

Kikyo smiled softly. She brought a slim hand to her chest. "Such a timid wild boy. He had so much pain." She had seen the pain, understood it in a way she thought no one else ever would. The miko in her wanted to end it with a merciful arrow. The woman wanted to soothe it with a steady compassion. Despite their obvious differences, they had much in common. 

_We were kindred souls. His inner pain mirrored my own. We both tried to hide it, but ended up failing miserably. _

Some souls were forever cursed, suffering during each lifetime. Others found balance, finding the greatest of joys only after the most heartrending experiences. This is what she had been taught. As a young miko-in-training she had soaked in the words along with every other lesson. She strove to be the best, not out of a sense of pride or to seek recognition, but to serve her village as her aunt had before her.

For the ten short years of her childhood she had witnessed firsthand the suffering of her village. She had watched as men were brought down by famine, illness, and youkai. In the end it didn't mater what the cause was, death took them from her. 

Her father was the first to go. She could barely remember his gentle strength. He had been a simple man, content to stay near the village and his little family. A nest of snake youkai had taken him down as he returned from a neighboring town. She had been barely eight years old.

Her mother fell to disease only a few months afterwards, taking with her an unborn babe. The grieving widow had lacked the strength to fight her illness. She left behind two scared little girls. But fate had plans for the girls. Their aunt was the village miko. The tired woman, having no other family, took the girls in and started to train them in the shrine tradition. 

I had been such a foolish child. I promised myself that I would end the suffering. I would be the best healer, the strongest protector. I did it for my sister, my village... my family. 

Kikyo twisted her head away from the natural beauty before her. _So, I followed my path, as a miko should. Then where did I go wrong? To end up like this. To die, to live again. Is my work not done yet?_ She turned back into the forest. Her sandaled stride made little sound. 

_I am not ready yet. To die, or to live? _She had two options now, and when one was chosen then more questions would pop up. 

If she choose to die then, would she take her own life? Would she go alone or insist on holding Inuyasha to his promise? Would her soul merge with the young miko or move on by itself? It had been separate for a long time now. 

If she chose to live, where would she go? Would she be welcome among a village or be cursed to a wanderer's existence? She could never abandon her miko duties, this she knew. But would it be enough to keep her alive?

Perhaps she could choose both.

* * *

The last of the winter snows was just starting to melt as the sun-warmed air brought promises of an approaching spring. The small village outside of Inuyasha's forest was having a large feast. Today they were celebrating their heroes. 

The huts and streets were decorated in colored paper lanterns and bright cloths. Winter vegetables and stores overflowed tables set out in the center of town. A casual visitor would be surprised to find strange silver packages and odd foodstuffs scattered liberally around the more traditional rice balls and bubbling soup pots. Whole deer and boars turned over roaring fires as giggling young women pulled feathers from a few winder birds. 

The young future miko, fully recovered from her ordeal a few months ago was trying to instruct a village woman on the proper preparation of 'ramen noodles'. 

A few yards away from her, the monk and the demon exterminator were helping to unload a crate of bowls and cups. The items were bright pink and seemed to be very thin. Yet when the monk carelessly dropped his armload, the bowls simply bounced, unharmed, along the ground around him. The growing Kitsune kit laughed about the properties of something called 'plastic'.

Kikyo watched the whole scene with some interest. It was hard for her to hide today. The barren trees offered little cover. She had to rely on her miko powers to fade her form as she stood in the shadow's of the shrine. She had watched Inuyasha disappear unaccompanied down the well earlier that morning. His companions had indicated that he would return soon, loaded with more foodstuffs from Kagome's mom. 

This was the first day since Naraku's demise that Kikyo had sought him out. Did he think her dead? She watched the bubbly young miko before her. A small tendril of fear played at her heart. _Does he even think about me anymore?_

Once, not long after her resurrection he had claimed to think about her all the time. As the quest had gone on she had began to wonder about his devotion and the loyalty of his thoughts. Then she had seen his betrayal with her own eyes. He had cried for the other woman. He had given his heart completely to another. It still hurt. She tried to deny this. 

The village bustled with life and activity. Kikyo felt out of place. _This was my home. I grew up here, protected these people and their parents and grandparents. I gave my life to avenge the destruction of their town and prevent the jewel from causing _them _more pain. I shot an arrow through my heart that day. I did it for them; my honor, my duty, my life. But even here I have no place. _She knew what would happen if the villagers saw her here. She had been seen before. 

As long as humans didn't know that she was dead they treated her with respect and kindness. She wore the garb of a priestess after all. And even in this pitiful farce of a life she did her duty as such. She healed the injured, succored the weak, and battled the supernatural. 

Then, inevitably, someone would discover her secret. The rumors were starting to slowly spread from village to village. 'There's a powerful miko.' They say in hushed whispers. 'But she is no longer living. They say she eats souls and conspires with youkai now.' 

Every time people became suspicious they would turn on her. Fear, anger, it didn't matter what the reaction was. In the end it meant that her healings and good deeds went unacknowledged. So she would pick up and move on, to another village in need of a healer. It was her duty. At one point it had been her purpose for living. 

Was it still her purpose now? Was she merely a tool of the fates; once broken, but brought back into use? The world reveled in cruelty. 

Perhaps it was time to move on. To leave not only this former hometown, but this former life as well. She studied the future girl again._ Kagome. _Kikyo felt a small tug at her soul as she spoke the name in her mind. 

Kagome. Her future life. The happier existence of her soul. Should she really just give up and fade back into that life? Can she forget being Kikyo?

_That is what He wanted me to do. My poor confused Inuyasha. He asked me to return to her, on that day when I was forced to live this lie. He held my hand, preventing me from falling over the cliff face and asked me to go to another oblivion. _Her face hardened at the memory. _I asked him then if he wanted me to die. I have since had my answer. He wants me to die. He wants me to find the so-called peace of death.  
  
My Inuyasha. Would we have been this happy? Could I ever have trusted you enough?_ Her unblinking gaze soaked in the life around her. She watched with a twinge as the iny-hanyou returned to his companions. They all laughed, his rare chuckle cutting through her heart. She watched because she could not partake.   


She stayed in her hiding spot, undetected as the villagers danced and played. She heard the sake-slurred speeches of gratitude for the odd group. She bowed her head with them when the Buddhist monk joined her sister in a prayer for the lost souls who fell victim to Naraku and the jewel. But it was with some surprise that she listened to the next speaker. 

Kagome stood alone before the respectful crowd. She raised her voice only slightly as she called their attention to her. Kikyo felt her eyes grow wider and some more of her bitterness ease away. 

"My friends, the victory we celebrated today was not won by ourselves alone. It cost so many lives and wrecked even more homes. This village suffered perhaps one of the earliest and greatest losses." The young miko paused and took a deep breath. "As you know, we have searched for the past few months to try and find Kikyo-sama. We couldn't find her or any rumors of a lone miko." The villagers murmured softly amongst themselves as she paused again. The girl turned to Inuyasha and a look passed between them. Kikyo looked away from them.   
  
_So, I have lost him._ She walked away then. Unnoticed, though apparently not unlamented. The sorrowful words of the villagers' ceremony wafted over her retreating form.  She paused at the Goshinboku, feeling a familiar aura.   


She fingered her bow, but did not bother to draw. "He'll be angry that your smell is all over his tree." She spoke tonelessly to the leaves. A shadowy figure stepped further from the branch. The sun's light throwing his face into relief. He ignored her statement. His golden eyes colder than Inuyasha's had ever been.  


"You did not stay to hear what the mutt had to say." The wind lifted his silver hair. She turned her head to look back towards the village.   


"It doesn't mater. He would not say it to me." Her tone was as flawlessly emotionless as his own. She did not fear death, but Sesshoumaru's hands would not be the instruments of her destruction. A soft rustle of cloth drew her eyes back to him. One clawed hand caressed the hilt of Tenseiga.   


"You feel for him. You are still human." He continued to hold the sword. When his eyes looked at her now they were not focused. _He sees something else._ She thought. Despite herself, she shivered.   


"Why are you here, Lord Sesshoumaru?" She snapped. He was unnerving her. The barbed words hit her close to home. She laughed bitterly as he refused to answer. "You want to kill your brother now?" His eyes narrowed. Once, not too long ago he would have killed her where she stood. Instead he mocked her.  


"He'll be leaving you soon. Going with his new miko to her world." Kikyo nodded. She had expected as much. Perhaps it was for the best after all. The jewel would be safer there. Nor was she surprised that the demon lord knew about Kagome. He was a crafty creature. If he was disappointed at her lack of response he didn't show it. "I will see them again. Though I may not care for it. I will live that long. But you...."  


Kikyo's eyes narrowed. Why did he continue to torment her? They had spoken a mere handful of times in the past. "I am frozen in time. I may yet outlive you." Dispassionately, Sesshoumaru lifted the Tenseiga slightly from its sheath. The exposed inches of blade glowed an erie blue. She took an involuntary step back.  


"They crawl over you. Yet, that witch worked her spells well." Though his voice was even, Kikyo caught a hint of curiosity deep in his eyes. "Tell me miko. What will happen if this Sesshoumaru does as Tenseiga asks?" Kikyo flicked her gaze to the sword. She could hear it humming. What would it do? Then he did not know.  


Her eyes widened with indecision. It was a healing sword. Would it bring her back to life? A real, complete body once more? Or would the sword merely speed her descent to Hell as she had always assumed. Sesshoumaru's lips lifted into a grim parody of a smile. Mockingly, he arched his eyebrow and allowed the sword to slip back into its sheath.   


"Someday, miko." In a flash and a rustle of leaves he was gone. Kikyo regarded the Goshinboku warily. Casting one last look at the village, she moved away. The haunting promise hung in the air. Soul catchers wove around her, lifting her away. She would not linger here.   


_To live or to die?_ _Which would that sword offer? Which would she choose?_  


* * *

_He left me again. _Kikyo glided soundlessly through Inuyasha's forest. The late night air was alive with the calls of woodland creatures. Springtime, the time of birth, new life, a rutting time for many creatures just emerging from winter's brutality. Nature was following its cycle, obeying its strictest creeds. She walked outside of that. 

And somewhere in the distant future, a hanyou and his pack were making a home. A home that had never included her. Now it never could. 

_Yet, here I am. Alone. Purposeless. _A soul-catcher sensed his mistress's distress and it circled closer. Its smooth pale head caressed along her cool cheek, offering what comfort it could. Another of the ever-present creatures dipped in from overhead, releasing a collected soul from its grasp. Kikyo paused in her trek to allow the new soul to fully acclimate to its new host. 

A new set of memories bubbled forth in fragments. This soul had belonged most recently to a middle-aged peasant woman. She had lived a simple life, married, had children, found happiness in a comfortable love. And now, the soul had found a new temporary home in Kikyo. In a few weeks, the quieter soul will move on, making the journey to a new, yet unknown, life. 

Kikyo often envied the souls that she collected. They moved on. She stayed. 

She borrowed their power and energies to keep herself bound to this world, tied to a life she hadn't wanted. Yet she had a hard time giving it up. Naraku was dead. Inuyasha was apparently beyond her reach in Kagome's world.... and yet she remained. 

Unbidden, the image of a glowing sword came to her mind. She smiled wryly, once again  finding herself in front of the Goshinboku.  
  
"Someday" She promised.  
  
  
  
~~Fin~~  


* * *

  
AN: Confuse you? Good. I want you to think. What does it all mean? I have my own ideas, but I'll let you come up with them on your own. I also have some ideas for where it can go next. Life doesn't end for those left behind. But, if I decide to pursue it, it will be in a different format and a different story. This is it. Like the title says, I expect there to be remaining questions. Want to voice them? **Leave me a review**. I'd love to talk to you about it.   
  
Depressed? Please read my one shot stab at WAFF (warm and fuzzy feelings) in "The Men in Her Life"  
  
Thanks to **Lady Penguin**, lynnxlady, r** y u kk u1**, **pruningshears**, **Jaid Skywalker**, **Tokyo Nightingale**, **lunemangelus**, **flamingBird**, and **Dia** for giving this fic reviews. I know Kikyo is not popular, it is encouraging that other people can understand that she's not simpleminded scum. (I'm  probably be flamed for this)  
  



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